Rescuing Chouji
by Nezuko
Summary: Shikamaru and Ino are on a rescue mission. And annoying the heck out of each other. OneShot.


**Rescuing Chouji**

_by Nezuko, Prince of Rats_

_This is a work of derivative fiction based on the manga "_Naruto"_ by Kishimoto Masashi. The characters and the world in which they live are the property of Kishimoto-sensei._

This, thought Shikamaru, for the umpteenth time, sucks. He stared at the terrain, wishing, hoping, praying even, that it would have somehow magically become more favorable since the last time he scouted their position.

First off, he thought, it's dark, and there's no moon, so I can't exactly use my shadow-bind skills. And secondly, Chouji should never have been eating those damn shrimp crackers. They're too smelly and they attracted attention. Also...

"Shikamaru?" Ino hissed from below and to his left. "How's it look."

"The same as it did the last ten times you asked me," he murmured, in a voice dripping with bored disdain.

"Well what are you doing?" The blonde hauled herself up onto the branch Shikamaru was perched on, making it dip and sway precariously.

"Tch. Get back down. You're too heavy," Shikamaru complained.

"I am _not!"_ Ino's voice rose a notch, and Shikamaru clamped a hand over her mouth.

"Shush, woman!" he hissed. "Do you want them to notice we're here?"

"I'm not heavy," she whispered furiously back.

"Fine. Whatever. This is the biggest pain in the ass..."

"Well you're the genius. How are we gonna get out of this one?" Ino prompted.

"I'm _thinking_ about that. If you'd shut up a second, and stay down there and scout like I told you to..."

"You've been sitting in this tree for two hours while you _think._ What's the matter, got mental constipation?"

Shikamaru didn't dignify her remark with a response, just sighed and turned back to scanning the still inhospitable landscape.

"You're sure they've got him in there, right?" he asked at length, since Ino showed no sign of returning to scouting.

"Yes. I saw him," she answered. "He's tied up in some kind of genjutsu, I think."

"How many of them are there? Could you tell?"

"At least twenty of the little ones." Ino twirled the end of her ponytail around her finger. "And one big guy. He's the leader, I think."

Shikamaru thought for a moment, then asked, "What about your valentine? Could you take him over? Then I could take out the little guys." He groaned at the work he was proposing for himself, but it was Chouji, after all, so he had to rescue him. Troublesome.

"I don't know. He's not _human."_ Ino glanced at Shikamaru. Still, that was probably the best chance they had, if they could just take out the big guy...

"Well what happens when you take over a summoned animal?" Shikamaru asked.

"I just told you I don't know. Some kind of genius you are."

"You mean you _never_ tried. And no one in your family ever tried?" Shikamaru looked deeply skeptical. "I'm sure someone did, you just never bothered to ask."

"Fat lot of good that complaint does us now!" Ino was glad for the argument, actually, it gave her something to do besides worry about Chouji in the hands of those... things...

"Maybe we're going about this the wrong way," Shikamaru said, stroking the side of his face. "We should be trying to figure out who would have brought them here in the first place. Go after the summoner."

"Well what are they," asked Ino, "minks? Who would summon minks?"

"Ferrets," corrected Shikamaru, "or maybe stoats."

"What a stupid summon," Ino grumbled.

"Not that stupid. They did a good job of capturing Chouji."

The arguing ninja stopped, suddenly, when they heard a noise from below the tree in which they stood. The sounds approached, crunching through the underbrush. Ino looked at Shikamaru, and Shikamaru looked at Ino, and both drew weapons. Ino with a steely look of determination. Shikamaru with an exasperated sigh of resignation.

Crunch. It was immediately below their tree. Ino was about to fling a kunai at the source of the sound, when Shikamaru held out a hand, stopping her. He sniffed the air. Shrimp.

The crunching ascended the tree, as did the odor of greasy fried shrimp, and then Chouji was standing in front of them, finishing off the shrimp chips and crumpling up the bag.

"Hey guys. What's going on?" Chouji asked.

"What's- You!" Ino shouted. "We were coming to rescue you!"

"Oh, I didn't need rescuing. I _let_ them capture me. Did a little reconnaissance, and then I got out. But that was sweet, really." Chouji grinned and pulled open a new bag of snacks. Squid crackers this time. He held the open bag out towards Ino and Shikamaru. "Want some?"

Ino ignored the chips, and Shikamaru took a handful. "What'd you learn, then, and how'd you get out?" he asked. Not unreasonable questions, given that he and Ino had been crouched in the damn trees in the freaking cold for hours, trying to figure out how to get their teammate free of what they had thought was a trap.

"They're definitely Itachi's" Chouji answered. "But they're a stupid summon if you ask me. Totally easy to get rid of."

"And that would be how?" Shikamaru munched another of the squid crackers.

"I just chased them around a little and chucked a couple of explosive tags at them and they were completely wasted. I think they thought I was playing with them, stupid little fuzz-brains."

"Really?" Shikamaru looked doubtful.

"Oh yeah, they thought it was all in fun, but well, you know," Chouji grinned at his friends, "pop goes the weasel."

Ino gloated. "I told you they were a stupid summon."

ooo ooo ooo

_For Winter-chan. Merry Christmas 2005. Love, Nezuko._

_Aren't you proud of me? I didn't spill a single drop of canon characters' blood this time.  
_


End file.
